Day 25...TWINKIES!!!!!

As she rolled her cart down the aisle of temptation (Cookies and Crackers) she slowed to gaze upon the packages and packages of cream filled desire. She knew she had no business being in the same vicinity of all that sugar, but surely just one look wouldn't do any harm. She almost made to the end of the aisle when her eye fell upon the mother of all golden goodness...TWINKIES!!! Mouth watering she picked up a box. The battle was already lost. Glancing quickly around her she shoved the box in her cart and raced to the check-out. Running to her car the sky thundered as the rain fell in torrents. Oblivious to the high winds that nearly ripped the car door off it's hinges she frantically searched the bags for her treasure. At last she found the box. Placing it gently in the passenger seat she turned to the remainder of her groceries. After flinging grocery bags of eggs, glass bottles, and tomatoes into the back seat she slammed the car door, shoved the grocery cart out of her way into another parked car, and dove into the driver's seat. Grabbing her stash she ripped it open and tore into the cellophane. Pausing long enough to wipe the wet hair out of her eyes she sunk her teeth into sweet, creamy, center. Eyes rolling back into her head she shoved the remaining snack into her mouth. Almost losing consciousness she reached for another, and another. She had devoured half the box when she finally started the car and headed home. A block from her house she pulled the car over by a mail box. Placing the remaining snack cakes in her purse she climbed out of the car, and shoved the box and wrappers into the mail slot to dispose of the evidence of her binge. Confident that no one would know, she counted the hours until her family was asleep and she could enjoy the remainder of her precious secret in private.

Okay just a bit over the top you might say. Not for everyone. There are so many people who really can relate to my little Twinky story. I know I can. I'm not proud to say so and neither are the hundreds (thousands?) who have had these secret binges.

Do I want to lose weight? You betcha! But more than that I want control of my eating. I want to retrain my taste buds to love fruit and vegetables and even desserts that are not flooded with refined sugar and fat. I want my stomach (trained to consume the super sized meal) to shrink until it's content to enjoy a much smaller portion. Most of all I want to be totally free from emotional eating and mindless snacking. When I'm discouraged or disappointed I want to run to Jesus instead of the cookie aisle.

For me Take Shape For Life is truly about a life change. I have 44 years of bad habits to break. That is more my goal then losing pounds. I've lost pounds before, but because I never dealt with my weaknesses I put them back on.

The plan I'm on helps discipline and retrain my eating. God is helping me be free. This past three weeks I've been confronting some personal issues that are bigger than food. That's the victory! If I can be free from those I can keep off the weight I'm losing.

Before the New Year God told me to lay off the weight that keeps me from running the race effectively. The physical and the spiritual. This doesn't happen without a good honest look at who I really am.

Too transparent. Perhaps. But someone out there needs to hear they are not a failure. If I can do it I believe you can to. Never stop trying, learn to forgive yourself, fail forward, and trust in God.

He's rooting for you!

Lauren

NOTE
Last blog 159.4
Today 160.2

According to my scale I'm up 8 oz but the mirror says my arms, legs, and face are thinner. Finally in a pair of pants I haven't worn since 2008. I have some water retention around my middle so I'm going to tighten up my use of condiments and really aim to follow the plan to the letter...See you next week!